What Makes a Great Teacher (and Why It Matters for Parents Too)
By a Mom, an Educator and a Lifelong Learner
There’s an old line from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People that says, “A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” I’ve always loved that quote because it’s really about something bigger: people respond to being seen, respected and valued. And nowhere is that lesson more important than when we are teaching children; whether in the classroom or at home.
Over the years, as both a mom and an educator, I’ve dramatically changed how I guide and teach my own children. Not because I didn’t know what to teach them, but because I finally understood something crucial:
Just because you know how to do something does NOT mean you know how to
teach it.
And being “tough” or impatient absolutely does not make someone a good teacher or mentor.
Good teaching, real teaching, is an act of connection.
Why Teaching Is Not One-Size-Fits-All
Kids (and adults) learn differently. Some are visual learners. Some need to touch, build or move. Some have to read instructions first. Others need to hear it. And no two students, ever, learn in the exact same way.
A great teacher recognizes this. A great teacher observes. A great teacher adapts.
A not-so-great teacher? They lecture. They rush. They assume. They raise their voice. They point, jab, criticize or shame. They treat learning like a race and when a child doesn’t keep up, they label the child rather than reconsider their method.
And here’s the hard truth:
Children shut down when they feel confused, embarrassed or attacked.
Adults do too. I learned this firsthand.
A Lesson I Learned the Hard Way
Recently, I started a part-time job in a brand-new industry. As someone who has always worked in the medical field, I had never used this particular engineering software program before. I knew how I learn: I take notes first while watching an expert, then I try it myself step-by-step with guidance.
But the man training me? He had no patience, no structure and; if I’m being honest….no real expertise. He wouldn’t let me take proper notes. He jumped around the screen without sequence or explanation. And when he decided I wasn’t moving fast enough, he started yelling, jabbing his finger at the monitor, repeatedly shouting, “There! My God… are you serious?”
In that moment, I completely shut down.
My brain froze. My confidence collapsed. I left more confused than when I started.
Later, I called the software help desk and watched the tutorials—only to discover that he had been doing the entries incorrectly the whole time.
And it hit me:
This is exactly what so many children experience.
They aren’t “difficult.”
They aren’t “lazy.”
They aren’t “not paying attention.”
They’ve simply shut down because the person teaching them is not teaching to them.
What Good Teachers (and Good Parents) Actually Do
The best teachers I know approach children as individuals, not checkboxes. They teach visually, or tactically or verbally; whatever the child needs. They build engagement. They take baby steps. They reframe the lesson from a new angle when something doesn’t click the first time.
They guide instead of command.
They encourage instead of criticizing.
They observe instead of assuming.
And when a child struggles, the good ones, don’t ridicule or rush; they adjust. They understand that overwhelmed kids learn nothing. They understand that shutting down is not a behavior problem, it’s a coping mechanism.
Meanwhile, the less effective teachers stand at the front of a room, talk at students and never notice who is lost. They punish the child who lags behind. They alienate the jokester in the back without ever asking why he feels the need to act out. Spoiler: he acts out because he’s been left behind. He’s not being taught in a way he understands.
Parents Are Teachers Too
When our children enter the world, their minds are blank canvases. Parents are teachers long before any school bell rings. But knowing how to tie a shoe doesn’t automatically mean you can teach the skill well; just like knowing algebra doesn’t mean you can teach it effectively.
We prepare our kids for life by teaching them in the way they learn, not the way we think they should.
Good teachers and good parents share the same traits:
- They slow down.
- They listen.
- They adapt.
- They observe.
- They guide rather than dictate.
Being strict does not make you effective. Being loud does not make you respected. True influence comes from empathy, patience and understanding; exactly what Carnegie meant when he emphasized the power of making people feel valued, especially our children.
